Do you ever feel like you have so much to say? Like even if givin the opportunity to speak you would not even know where to begin? Since I am inevitably getting older, I have done a lot of thinking lately. I want to find happiness in my life and really find myself in the process I guess. I know most people do not really know themselves, or maybe it is just my generation. I am somewhere between generation x and y. I am right on the cusp of being one of those hipster kids we all love to hate.
I still have rational thoughts and morals. I also have an amazing work ethic. I have been steadily employed for many many years. I have worked my ass off since the day I turned 16. I only point that out because so many "millenniums" have such a sense of entitlement. At least the ones I have come into contact with.
The more I think about my life the happier I do become. I have come so far from that broke 17 year old mom, working at Sonic making $5.15 an hour. I am so much more than that girl will ever be. I have learned so much since then. I have learned that I am strong. I am stronger than I ever thought possible. I can hold the weight of worlds upon my shoulders.
I am smart. I sometimes just pretend I do not understand things or dumb myself down for the people around me, but I am smart. I read every single day. I love learning ANYTHING new. I absorb information and I find it thrilling. I am an atheist. This does not mean I am without a soul or conscious. I have morals, I have read all kinds of things on religion. I love theology. It is interesting to see what people all around the world believe. The more I read and research the more I disbelieve.
I am not looking to be saved, I like where I am at. I am a free thinker who does not believe every thing I am told. You can blame that on my parents. My daddy was a member of a biker gang called The Hell's Angels.... I'm sure you have heard of them? His name was "Thorn". My mother was a hippie/stoner, her name was Rose. She use to always tell me that every rose has it's thorn. I grew up without religion. My mother told me that when I was ready I would decide for myself.
Although my dad died when I was 10 he made quite the impression on my life. He was not the greatest father at times. He and my mom had all kinds of problems. My mother grew stronger with out him around as sad as that sounds... we all kind of did.
My point was that because of these two lost individuals coming together with their free thinking, pot smoking, anti-war liberal ideology I am the way that I am because of it. I would not have it any other way. My mother did not sugar coat things. I was told about this harsh world. Even though she warned me, I still did not listen.
You would think I would know exactly who I am, and for the most part I do. I think sometimes it can be hard for a girl to simply accept the things she cannot change. We all know women love changing shit. I am learning that it is okay to be the way that I am. I am not a freak, or a tree hugger. I am a free thinker, with amazing ideas. Me and my friends sit and talk about how we want to change the world. What are you doing?
I am an atheist living in Oklahoma.... Maybe the title should be It isn't always sunny in Oklahoma?
Kelly Rose.
