Divorce for two.

Divorce for two.

He texted me...

"I want a divorce" before I completed the sentence I threw my phone across the room. I put my hands over my face and took two breaths and picked back up the phone. 

I was not even home when I received the message. I had ran to my friends house to hang out. I left that house in a daze. I went to taco bell and bought 12 tacos. I then headed home to the man who for 6 years of my life i had taken care of even then bringing him dinner. We sat there two adults. We ate our tacos and discussed the divorce. We laughed, I cried but ultimately we ended it right then, right there. The day was March 23, 2014.

I immediately hit rock bottom. I wanted to get fucked up so I could not feel any pain. I wanted to feel nothing. I needed to numb my pain. I stayed that way for weeks. In that time I met some really cool people. My new life is anything but fabulous. In fact I'm always broke. Every dollar I made goes somewhere. I just sit around most days. I sing, I write, I watch movies. The same stuff I did with my ex-husband. The only difference is this time I am actually alone being lonely.

Tiny Apartment.

Tiny Apartment

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It has been 6 months since my husband asked for a divorce. In 6 months time I feel so much has changed. As I sit here in my new tiny apartment I am drinking coffee while sitting on my new wooden bench. The sun peaks through the blinds reminding me the sun is now up and I am still awake. There is no rest for the wicked.

My apartment has charm. It is small but I have made it my own. I hate clutter there is no clutter. There is an open concept throughout the living room and kitchen which I love because I can make dinner and still hang out with my daughter. The kitchen is nice. I do not spend a whole lot of time in there though. I have two favorite parts of my kitchen. The first is above the sink. There is a window. When I wash dishes I get lost looking at the view. It is not much of a view but it is mine. My second favorite thing about my kitchen is right above that very window. It is a gorgeous light fixture. I call it my chandelier.

The living room is eclectic. My couch was left here from the last tenants. The entertainment system is my landlords. Now that I think about it the only thing that is mine is the guitar and the family photos. The whole apartment has the most beautiful hardwood floors. I like to say they are "blond". They are hard to clean but I still enjoy them.

My bedroom is small but it has ME throughout it. It is mostly black with pops of colors. An abbey road poster hangs carelessly on the wall. The room itself may be small but my closet is anything but small. I have a wall of shoes.

Marilyn hangs in every single room. 

Is it my home??? Will it ever be home??