Disconnected.

Hello world.

I am super excited heading into this next week. I have huge plans coming up and I cannot pass the days fast enough. I am heading to Denver soon to visit my bestest friend in the entire world. Yes that striking young man to your right. I used the oldest and worse picture possible. I totally had better pictures. I just love this kid so much that I chose this one. This picture was taken on my 20th birthday. That was 4 years ago. He had this long weird hair phase going on. That was not only my birthday but the very first time I made this young man a Jager bomb. We had a great night!

I am looking forward to many things in Denver. I have been feeling so strange lately. I need inner peace. There is so much going on in the world I want to run and hide from. I turn on the news and I am instantly sadden by all of the people being murdered and kidnapped or raped. I see a society that is disconnected. I was having a wonderful conversation with another one of my fabulous friends about this very thing earlier. We agreed that people are full of shit.

We live our lives constantly updating, sharing, tweeting, and texting. I love all of these things. I at one point never thought I could want to escape my smart phone....but I do. I want to hike a mountain loose my cell phone reception, forget about that Facebook (she is a bitch anyways jk) and find me. The me that isn't up for the world to see. The me that is more than a pretty face. The me that thinks about more than just dinner plans for the night. The me that no one sees. That girl is who I want and need to find. I need to see something bigger than myself and accept some things I am personally working through. I have such high hopes. 

Have you guys ever felt that way? I honestly feel weird about it. I do not want to feel this way. I want to accept the things in my life. I cannot.
I have always been a rebel and now I'm fighting within myself. Life can be super stressful at times. I think that is why it is so important to escape our every day lives. Since our every day lives now consist of constant Internet connection I think it will be awesome to not worry about anything. I have to because when I get back I have to punch back in my time clock. Life will proceed as usual. I will of course take plenty of pictures and write about it all when I get back. I look forward to it!

Kelly Rose

More pieces of me, for you!

Hello world.






I have been inspired lately...
So much so that I just keep writing little notes or poems to even metaphors to myself. I write all the time. I feel so much more drawn to a pen and paper. That is why you my blog readers have not seen such notes. I feel disconnected when I write this way...I know I am weird. 

The reason I mention my notes is because sometimes they are pretty good. I have shown that before in previous blogs as such:

 http://kellsbells3.blogspot.com/2013/03/pieces-of-me-for-you.html

http://kellsbells3.blogspot.com/2013/04/a-work-in-progress.html

I have found some more of my unfinished poetry on my cell phone this time. It was hiding in my notepad and I would like to share it with my readers. I feel bad I have not taken the time to write on my computer and share my life with all of you. I hope you all enjoy..

He doesn't care.

He never will.

He only cares about himself.

I am just a foolish kid.

A tiny glimmer of hope is what I hold onto.

It screams reality.

When it is not.

It screams trouble.

It consumes me.

So yea, that just happened. This one is random, I do not remember writing it. I must have been pretty mad though. I love the realness in it. I didn't cloak my emotions. i wasn't planning on sharing it to the world so my words here are truth, and for that I love it. NEXT! 

Have we met before?

I see him as he stands by the door.

He is smooth, confident and cool.

I am instantly allured.

He talks his way into my heart.

I let him in.

He never quites left, the pieces remain.

They are deep down inside of me.

He told me I was his everything.

I believed that lie.

Did we make believe this life?

One we did not live

or even have that right?

I dreamed I was your wife.

You kiss me so sweet.

you take the palm of your hand

press it softly against my cheek.

I feel weak...

I wake up to an empty bed

Dreaming of a life

That I did not live.

This one is such a work in progress. It is a perfect love story of the one that got away. The girl is dreaming the life she never had. It is full of what if's and those horrible memories that haunt her. It is beautiful and not finished by any means. I believe it to have a lot of potential. It will be updated soon for your viewing pleasure. NEXT!

Is it wrong that I think of you?

I try to push it deep down.

It's where my mind always goes to.

No matter how hard I push, It comes around

It drags me down, down, down.

I'm lost in this fantasy.

It is just me and you.

We lay together finally.

We never want to leave.

It was only but a dream.

I know they are just little bits on songs and poems but they are really good. I love that I scribble out this stuff. I think that I am a writer and singer at heart and it flows into my every day life. I hope you enjoyed my notes. Have a wonderful night.

Kelly Rose.

Some Real Shit.

One of the things I find myself doing most of these days is watching TV. I work 5 days a week as well as this so I'm not a complete loser. I have noticed a trend though. Hollywood just lies. This is no new revelation. You always hear that it gives girls the wrong idea about love and romance. That is a big one. I always watched movies as a child and I can remember thinking that is what love was going to be like. I was going to struggle until the day a random guy found me working (probably in a diner). 


Then he was going to see something in me and fall head over heels. We were going to get married, buy a house, go on vacations, have kids and watch them grow. This is what happened to me for the most part. I was a waitress, we did fall in love fast, I already had a kid, we didn't buy a house, I haven't been on a vacation in years, and there is thing called rent that barrels toward me every month.

That kiddos is the American dream. I try to remind myself at all times of what I have. I hope to never loose anything. I am from Oklahoma as many of you have probably already gathered. So I watched the tornado rip through Moore. I watched as debris is still being cleared. I am very lucky that I have what I have. I just wish some days that life were easier. There is always a point in the movie where the individual struggles but something always gets them out of it. This is not the movies. I am aware that I have to lift myself out of this. 

I am sort of in a bullshit mood today as you can probably tell.  I just feel like what I thought was meant to happen just didn't. I am face to face when the decisions that I have made. I look around and I have it pretty good. I make good money working a demeaning job that I happen to love. I have a great schedule. I love spending time with my husband and our daughter. I have food to eat. I have clothes on my back. So yes things could be much worse. Tell me though what is worse than being content...

I am bored with life. I want to venture to a foreign country. I want to learn about a different culture. I want to taste exotic foods. I want to be so close to the ocean I can smell it in the wind. I cannot just leave though. Financially I cannot afford to run around the world. I also have a daughter that I could not drag along through my adventures. That is where my reality sets in.

I will be almost 35 when my daughter turns 18. Yes that is still fairly young. I look at it differently. I was 16 when I had her. I gave up so much to have this little girl. I know that. I wouldn't have done it differently because she has taught me so much about life. I do however have days like today where I wish I could just leave and start a new life. I have to accept my fate. There has to be a reason I am right here, right now. I am a firm believer in fate. I do not believe in much these days. 

I have a good feeling about all of the decisions I have made. They have placed me exactly where I am.

Kelly Rose.