This world is full of people, all kinds of people. They can be good or bad. They can be many things. Some of those things can be unseen. It is only when you look very close, almost to the surface when they start to appear for who they are. I have learned that I am not good at seeing people for what they are. They could be disguised as my best friend and I would remain impervious. I am trying really hard to find a few people who actually care about me outside of moms and stuff that doesn't count, they are partial.
I will keep looking but I am becoming bitter well more bitter than I was before. Today is the eve of my 25th birthday. I have not had a good day. I am starting to think I am one of those people who have horrible birthdays! I guess I can roll with that. I can not believe how incredibly terrible my day has been. There were a few good moments with my daughter. We memorized her lines for her school play. Her old mom here (that is me) totally taught her some of my old acting secrets. She looked at me and said
"mom, I must become my character! I AM A METEOROLOGIST!"
I honestly say that part of my day was pretty great! I taught her about projection. When I was in high school my theather teacher would sit in the back row and scream PROJECTION!!!! If she could not hear you from the back row you weren't loud enough! My daughter and I just laughed every time I yelled it. I taught her how to become that character and she loved the idea. She kept saying she could be fun! It was fun.
As I was saying... People have recently surprised me. I have found hate in a few I never imagined to exist. Then out of the most darkest unknown places people giving me love and support unimaginable. I feel like my world is turned upside down. I am not going to let people tell me what to do anymore. I do not mean that in a juvenile way either. I am still going to abide by MOST of the laws and be a decent person.
I meant it in the way that when I was younger I was taught to obey, and I did. Then one day in my teenage years I began to question any authority. I did not understand why people just obeyed. You could say I was a rebel. I remember spray painting rock against Bush! on my bedroom wall. When I became a mother I lost most of that spark. I found it best to just obey again. I figured as long as I maintain my opinion on things I could easily tame myself down...if only a little. It isn't authority I have the problem with anymore. I have a problem with people. I take a lot from them. I smile though all of it and I cannot do that anymore.
So Today on the eve of my birthday I am hitting my reset button. I am done taking crap from people. I cannot be put inside a box and told what to do for one more second. This is my life and I am in control. I am going to surprise the hell out of myself. So here goes!
Goodbye Kelly Edwards!
You were fun, smart, almost fancy...not quite, put together and most of all docile!
You are not going to be that way anymore! You are tenacious, brilliant, and most of all wild! You are a fucking phoenix, wounded but still here!
Fuck Everyone!
=) Kelly Rose.
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