A work in progress.

  Life is passing me by

I stop for nothing, leaving nothing behind

I sometimes look up and I wonder why  

So much to do, so little time

It is not time to whine

It is time to shine
To burn bright
or die trying

written by: Kelly Rose Edwards
April 24,2013

Winds Of Change.

Here we are again. It is 11:30 pm in Oklahoma. I am once again sitting on my bed. watching episodes of cash cab. The computer is heated as it sits on my lap. I have been staring at this blank page for what feels like an hour. Do you ever have so much to say, then nothing can come to mind? My eyes are burning from how tired I am. I really do not feel like sleeping though. Too much is on my mind.

I have been on this personal journey of a sorts lately. I have spoken briefly about it in my past blogs. I have embraced the winds of change. I want to better myself. I am sort of a lazy person. It takes a lot to motivate me. I wish I had all the energy I see other moms have. I think they may all be on meth. I am kidding of course. 

Here lately I have been trying to include my husband on my journey. I would love to have his support in bettering ourselves. I talked and talked. He listened. He is pretty good at that most of the time. We talked about moving to Las Vegas so I could cocktail for a year and make boo-Koo money. We discussed moving to Denver and freezing our asses off. We talked about our future for the first time in a long time. I normally do not like making false realities, however something tells me if me and my husband got on the same track things would finally be okay. It is hard being the only person working in the household. It has showed me just how strong I truly am. I can handle the pressure of the world on my shoulders. I will not give up. I will find a better way to support my family.

My daughter begs me to stay home. She says she wishes I could pick her up from school everyday. She says these things not to break my heart, but to let me know she misses me. I wish sometimes that I could just wake up and be fine. I would not have to work, or pay bills, or worry about food. My car would not be a piece of shit and it would always be full of gas. I can dream of this Utopia but I will never have it until I work my ass off to get it. 

I am not some naive little girl, who thinks the world will fall into my hands. I understand that to have that security you have to work hard. I am motivated to change, to find who I am, where I belong. My life has not been the easiest. I was born into poverty. I have been poor. I mean real poor. I always remember that. I remember where I came from and how far I have already gotten. 

I think more people should want to change. Never settle in your ways. Do not get use to life. It is a bipolar bitch and will change. Be prepared for those moments. You will have your days where you feel defeated. That is okay! I accept those days for what they are. I embrace my sadness, then I pick up and move on. I trust the universe to guide me exactly where I am suppose to go. 

Kelly Rose

You.

You

You bring out the best part of me
You

You leave and

I tell myself to breathe

I, I  cry just to take away the pain

lonely in love 
I forever remain

And there you were in the light

You take my hand and we take off flight

We fly...

We were so high
I felt so alive
inside

You 

You bring out the worst part of me

Written by: Kelly Rose Edwards

April 18, 2013

*P.S.
This is actually a song. I wrote it last night while in the bathtub. I raced to write it down on my blog before my memory failed me. It is still not finished. I have the verse, the chorus, and the hook. I need a 2nd verse. So I will update when I am all the way done. 

Today.

Headphones...check.

Bad ass phone with music player...check

Blog will be ready in...3...2...1

Today...

It started off great. I awoke to the beautiful sun peeking through the blinds of my window. I then got ready for work. It takes a lot of preparation for my job. I can without a shadow of doubt say that it takes longer than any other job I have ever had. I have to put on a full face of makeup which includes the following (In no specific order).

• Primer
• Concealer
• Foundation
• Powder foundation
• Eyeliner
• False eyelashes
• Lipstick
• Bronzer
• Blush
• Eyeshadow

The end result is simply stunning. If I don't say so myself. As I was saying. My day started off great. I drove to work with my radio loud and the windows down. I walked confidently into work. My work day flew by with the help of all of my co-workers. We talk about all kinds of random things. I absolutely love being there sometimes.

 I got off work and drove to my corporate office where I re-took my bar exam (for bar tending). It wasn't until I got home where things started to fall apart. I am a strong person. I do so much. I didn't come here to tell the world the details of mine and my husbands arguments. I came here to vent as usual. This blog is my sanctuary. Honestly here lately I have pretty much only have a couple of friends. I am pretty sad I just lied to a bunch of people I do not know. I have friends. They just are not here. You see kids this thing called life sometimes takes you to crazy places. In my friends case that crazy place ended up being Denver.

I guess you can say I miss my friends. I do every single day. While they are off living their dreams. I am here in a battlefield, broken and alone. I am always alone. Life is so funny, and by funny I mean fucked. While day dreaming today I thought about how 6 months ago I was the happiest I had ever been. Then it all changed. I say changed, but I meant life came crashing down. Everything I had previously known fell apart. I was forced to change on a dime. To choose to not fade away and guess what blog readers? I soared.

I can be happy. I do not have to settle for less than acceptable at least. I heard this quote once and it resonated with me.

 I always wonder why birds choose to stay in the same place when they can fly anywhere on the earth, then I ask myself the same question. -Harun Yahya

I am glad I came here. When I write it is soothing for me. I can write way better than I can talk. When I talk I do not think, I just speak. When I write I am able to really think about what I put on a page. I will admit I am random. I am working on things. I will see you guys tomorrow at the same time.

Kelly Rose

Off My Chest.

Today has been surprisingly great. I hope that all my readers out there have had an equally great day as well. I have already been to work and back. I made a little extra today. I was able to take my husband out for a wonderful lunch/dinner. I love doing stuff with him. It seems like here lately I am always at work or asleep. My work gets the best part of me. I try really hard to be in my daughters life. I work all day then when I get home I am all over her. I ask a lot of questions. I like to know what is going on in her life. I also want to be close with her. If she tells me everything now my plan is we will be that close when she is in that terrible teenager phase.

It is tough being a working mother. I feel like sometimes I miss things. I would love to be with her all day every day. I guess I am one of those crazy moms. I just love that little girl. I am  now sitting here with a full belly and a big smile on my face. I am just so happy to learn that within a week you lovely readers have been reading away. I have reached 700 views! Only 300 are from this week though. I will take 300 a week. That is amazing and all of you are equally amazing. The thought alone of that many people reading my blog is kind of scary. Who are you people? Why do you care? I am joking of course. I am sure you read because this blog is just too awesome to look away. 

If you guys have any questions or suggestions speak up! I would love to hear from each and every one of you. If you are too shy then just be anonymous. I owe each of you a big thank you! I love to write and it feels good to have that many people who care enough to read what I write. I hope each of you have a great day. I know I am.

Kelly Rose.

She Calls Me Mommy.

Today I stood in an auditorium full of proud parents and hundreds of elementary school students. They had all gathered for the Friday assembly. This assembly was not like every Friday. They were honoring 12 students for being the.... (Insert drum roll).

Terrific kid of the month!

I could not believe how proud I was. I stood there with a smile on my face. I have done a good job. I love seeing her shine at her school. She is just a diamond. When she is with those kids I see a whole new side of her. For those of you who do not know me personally my daughter is 6. She will be 7 in October 2013. I love hearing about all the elementary drama that goes on behind those walls.

So, apparently one of her friends is being mean to her. My daughter told me she would draw pictures for this said girl and the girl would just rip them to shreds. My daughter asked the girl why she was being mean. The girl told her she was still her friend, but she did not want to play with her anymore. All I can say is wow. She is only 6 and these girls are already evil. I remember how mean little girls can be I was a mean girl. I also was picked on so I know both sides of this story. As a mom there is nothing I want more than to protect my baby girl from harm. So naturally I wanted to find this little girl and push her down. I did not nor would I ever push a little girl down. Man did I want to though.

I have noticed a huge spike in readers for that I am thankful for. I only write to get things off my chest in a safe environment.  I just wanted to share my proud mommy moment. 

Kelly Rose

A Look Inside.

Hello world.

 I do not know about you guys, but I am a day dreamer. When my days get crazy I just close my eyes and imagine that I am in a better place. I have noticed in my day dreams I am always alone. My husband is not there to nag me or tease me. My daughter is not there to ask me the same question every 5 minutes. I am all alone. 

I enjoy when I am alone. I think a lot about my life and where I have been and where I am going? What kind of person will my daughter be? How will I look at 30? How will I look at 40?







 I have always been a "in the moment" kind of person. I can tell it has not gotten me anywhere. I need to embrace some kind of change in my life. I want to be happier in my relationships. I am not saying just my marriage either. My relationships with family and friends could use some improving. As you can probably tell by that picture I am slightly awkward.






So back to day dreaming! I will paint a picture of what a normal Kelly day dream looks like. I am  in a pink bikini. I imagine if I was on this beach I would need some sort of cute floppy hat. A corona sitting on the table next to me. My toes dipping into the ice cold water while the sun kisses my body. I am alive.

Kelly Rose.