Is it December?

I cannot believe it is December already. In Oklahoma it has been beautiful and unlike any winter I have seen. I am the kind of person who likes the heat. I admit Oklahoma summers are extreme. I like to compare it to a hot blow dryer pointed right at your face. I can appreciate winter themes and the holiday spirit. The part that draws the line for me is the snow. I am horribly scared every winter that I am going to wreck my car. I tense up the entire time I am behind that wheel in fear that somebody will hit me or vice versa. I have no idea why it scares me so much. I have only been in two car accidents and both were minor.

In just a few weeks Christmas will already be here and then New Years and I know we all say this every year but man where did the time go? In the past year many things have changed around me. I had a really good year. I have a sense of security and am learning that it really is not too late to change the things I do not like. I have done it before in my past. I like to say I was tamed. I have this over bearing, crushing weight on me at all times. Truth be told I have always wanted to go to college and make something of myself. I did go to college, but I learned that I did not want to do that degree anymore. I wasted my time and my credit. There are so many dreams that I had. I had the drive to make things happen but one day it became about making money to survive. I had to make sure my daughter had everything and more. It became less about me and my dreams and all about hers. Some say this makes me a good mother. I think that is just what you do when you are a parent. I have never regretted making the decision to quit. I just wish I would have gotten this fire under my ass sooner.

I will do these things, I hope. I know that if I do not I could wake up one day and this time will no longer be here. I cannot squander it. If I do, then it will all be on me. I am the only one who holds me back. I have been writing some more poetry I will be posting immediately after this blog so stay tuned. I am sorry it is all so dark. I am honestly a happy person. I am like Adele okay? I just write sad stuff. Thanks for reading!

KillaKell
because I killed it.