It has snowed twice in Oklahoma this Winter. I have dreaded both times. I sit inside all ashy and cold wishing the sun would peek it's beautiful face around those ugly clouds and say "I'm just fucking with you guys!" The harsh reality is that the sun is not going to do that. I sucked up my hatred for the cold and made the ugliest snowman with my daughter. Seriously you guys it looks like an evil penguin. I have summoned it from the depths of hell just to scare drivers who pass by.
I actually had fun playing outside. I miss those childhood moments where it would snow and school would be out and there was nothing left to do or say. My brothers and sister would grab the boogie board and we would climb this massive hill we had. See kids living on dirt roads growing up was not so bad. Anyways, we would climb all the way up top and then slide all the way down. I am pretty sure nobody ever got hurt. Okay, maybe once.
I have had a weird last couple of weeks you guys. I thought we all might die on the 21st. I understand all of that was nonsense but none-the-less the day was still kinda scary. I think the what-if of loosing your life and everything around would scare any normal person. Lucky for us we are still here. While everybody else was worried about dying, I felt like I could finally start to live. I mean the pressure of what-if is intense. I feel like the world around me will always go on. I worry for my child's future, but I have faith that some of the simple problems can be solved and we can fix things for the future. All of those problems sound easier said than done.
I really hope all of you guys have a wonder New Years Eve. Please monitor your intake. I work as a waitress and that is a big night in the service industry. You could not imagine what we deal with. The last thing we need is a full grown adult acting like a child in a public place. I hate that the most, It's like come on you are 40 years old! Drive safe please and find a designated decoy drunk driver just to be safe!
Have a wonderful evening, I will see you guys next year!
Kelly
Friday, December 28, 2012
Friday, December 14, 2012
Sandy Hook Angels.
Today marked history for every American. I would like to think that we all felt the over bearing sadness that was today. I am located thousands of miles away from the school shooting that occurred today. I woke up and took my little girl to school. She is 5 and is in kindergarten. I checked my news apps and read an article about a school shooting and the reports said a teacher was shot in the foot. I felt better knowing that only a teacher was hurt. I fell asleep for a couple of hours and when I awoke I wanted to die.
27 people dead. Most of which were children. They were more than just some random kids on a TV screen. They were more than a tragedy. I felt a surge throughout my entire body. I felt disgusted. I wanted to puke. I felt pain that I have never imagined on my worst enemy. I felt confusion. I wanted to know why. Why would anyone do this?
That could have been me. That could have been my child. That could have been her school, her teachers, her peers. Those children were so innocent. I cannot imagine anybody doing what he did today. When I think about it I cannot help but cry. To think that those children were alone and scared. Then he just killed them. I am forever changed. I am covered in tears as I write this. I just cannot believe that this happened.
I want to express my deepest apologies to the victims families. If that were my daughter I would die. The world would turn upside down. I can not imagine that kind of hurt. I am so sorry that someone did this to you and your baby. I am not religious by any means, but I know that this has to have some meaning. This has to change things. These innocent 5 year old beautiful children did not die in vain. It is moments like this were humanity has failed us. This should not have happened.
Today was a rainy day in Oklahoma. We flew our flags at half staff for all of the newest angels. The sky filled with puffy dark grey clouds. I said to myself "God is crying".
I am very emotional and this is the most sickening thing I have ever heard of in my entire life. I wish that people would see and feel the ripple effect of their actions. Every parent in America cried today. We all felt the sense of our babies fading away.
I held my daughter very tight. I explained to her that many children her age were no longer gracing us with their presents. I made her realize that she is lucky. She is lucky in so many ways. Today time stood still.
I will always carry you beautiful children in my soul. I will never let anybody forget about you. Today was an accident and you were meant for more.
27 people dead. Most of which were children. They were more than just some random kids on a TV screen. They were more than a tragedy. I felt a surge throughout my entire body. I felt disgusted. I wanted to puke. I felt pain that I have never imagined on my worst enemy. I felt confusion. I wanted to know why. Why would anyone do this?
That could have been me. That could have been my child. That could have been her school, her teachers, her peers. Those children were so innocent. I cannot imagine anybody doing what he did today. When I think about it I cannot help but cry. To think that those children were alone and scared. Then he just killed them. I am forever changed. I am covered in tears as I write this. I just cannot believe that this happened.
I want to express my deepest apologies to the victims families. If that were my daughter I would die. The world would turn upside down. I can not imagine that kind of hurt. I am so sorry that someone did this to you and your baby. I am not religious by any means, but I know that this has to have some meaning. This has to change things. These innocent 5 year old beautiful children did not die in vain. It is moments like this were humanity has failed us. This should not have happened.
Today was a rainy day in Oklahoma. We flew our flags at half staff for all of the newest angels. The sky filled with puffy dark grey clouds. I said to myself "God is crying".
I am very emotional and this is the most sickening thing I have ever heard of in my entire life. I wish that people would see and feel the ripple effect of their actions. Every parent in America cried today. We all felt the sense of our babies fading away.
I held my daughter very tight. I explained to her that many children her age were no longer gracing us with their presents. I made her realize that she is lucky. She is lucky in so many ways. Today time stood still.
I will always carry you beautiful children in my soul. I will never let anybody forget about you. Today was an accident and you were meant for more.
Friday, December 7, 2012
Downward Spiral.
I come to you with a heavy heart today. I have a topic to discuss that is not easy for me to write. I have at this point 3 people in my life who have disappointed me beyond belief. I look at them now and my heart aches. I see them struggle with no intent to get up. They will lay there until they die. They have no morals, empathy, or responsibility in this world. They will not listen to reason. They are so far gone that the person I knew is no longer inside. This is not going to be a funny blog. What I have to say is serious and it effects many families. Today my topic is meth addiction.
I know 3 people. One person is male, 24 years of age. I have known this person for most of my life. I tell people all the time that he is still that little boy I met so many years ago. I have learned a harsh truth. He is not that little boy and that little boy will never be the same. I am not judging only trying to reach out. This boy has 2 kids. He would rather sit in jail or smoke meth then raise them like sane person would. I have yet to meet a parent who could do this. Yet I write this today with 3 people on my mind. They all have kids and families. He has been on this drug and more for approximately 3 years. His appearance has changed. His morals have gone out of the window. He has stolen from every single person that loved him. He has committed crimes to keep this habit. He has went to jail 6 times in the last year alone. I am scared for his life. He cannot read this because today he is in fact in jail. I have 2 more people on this list who are not in jail. You are both my Facebook friends. I hope for your sake you read this and change.
Person #2 is female, approximately 30 years of age. This person is more of an acquaintance but I feel the need to say something because she is on a road that leads to nowhere. She has been an addict for more than 6 years. She is a mother of one. The life she chose to live was the wrong one. I know because I have a daughter and I would die if I missed one beat. I only have one thing to say to her and that is to change now and fast.
I saved the best one for last. Person #3 is not just another person on this list. She is part of my family. I have known her all of her life. Person #3 is female, 21 years of age. She is a mother of one beautiful child. I love her with all of my heart and it is not easy for me to write this. I am tired of this lifestyle she has decided to live. She is a nomad with no hope and her soul has faded, leaving behind the memory of what was. She has broken hearts and she damn well knows it. She has been arrested 2 times this past year. She was left barefooted on the side of the road. They took her wallet, purse, and all of her clothes. She was beautiful and bright. They left her on the side of the road like a dog. This did not stop her from doing meth. I feel like that would be one of those moments when you realize that your life is fucked up. That maybe it would not be so fucked up if you just stopped smoking meth. She will be in jail for Christmas this year if she actually shows up to court. I really hope she does. That will be a week or so that I know exactly where she is. I will know she is safe and fed.
My wish is that all 3 of these people would take a note from Gandhi and be the change they wish to see in the world. These addicts are like a tsunami they destroy everything in their path. I am going to sign off now and I hope all this ranting as helped someone, somewhere.
KillKell
I know 3 people. One person is male, 24 years of age. I have known this person for most of my life. I tell people all the time that he is still that little boy I met so many years ago. I have learned a harsh truth. He is not that little boy and that little boy will never be the same. I am not judging only trying to reach out. This boy has 2 kids. He would rather sit in jail or smoke meth then raise them like sane person would. I have yet to meet a parent who could do this. Yet I write this today with 3 people on my mind. They all have kids and families. He has been on this drug and more for approximately 3 years. His appearance has changed. His morals have gone out of the window. He has stolen from every single person that loved him. He has committed crimes to keep this habit. He has went to jail 6 times in the last year alone. I am scared for his life. He cannot read this because today he is in fact in jail. I have 2 more people on this list who are not in jail. You are both my Facebook friends. I hope for your sake you read this and change.
Person #2 is female, approximately 30 years of age. This person is more of an acquaintance but I feel the need to say something because she is on a road that leads to nowhere. She has been an addict for more than 6 years. She is a mother of one. The life she chose to live was the wrong one. I know because I have a daughter and I would die if I missed one beat. I only have one thing to say to her and that is to change now and fast.
I saved the best one for last. Person #3 is not just another person on this list. She is part of my family. I have known her all of her life. Person #3 is female, 21 years of age. She is a mother of one beautiful child. I love her with all of my heart and it is not easy for me to write this. I am tired of this lifestyle she has decided to live. She is a nomad with no hope and her soul has faded, leaving behind the memory of what was. She has broken hearts and she damn well knows it. She has been arrested 2 times this past year. She was left barefooted on the side of the road. They took her wallet, purse, and all of her clothes. She was beautiful and bright. They left her on the side of the road like a dog. This did not stop her from doing meth. I feel like that would be one of those moments when you realize that your life is fucked up. That maybe it would not be so fucked up if you just stopped smoking meth. She will be in jail for Christmas this year if she actually shows up to court. I really hope she does. That will be a week or so that I know exactly where she is. I will know she is safe and fed.
My wish is that all 3 of these people would take a note from Gandhi and be the change they wish to see in the world. These addicts are like a tsunami they destroy everything in their path. I am going to sign off now and I hope all this ranting as helped someone, somewhere.
KillKell
Sunday, December 2, 2012
What is left?
What is left.
Everything is spinning.
I am broken on the floor.
This is only the beginning.
The rest is nothing less than it was before.
I see you in my imagination.
I go to that place all the time.
To me this is a true test of patience.
Sometimes that can be the worst kind.
The world around me it breaks.
All that remains is my shame.
I cannot seem to shake this constant ache.
I have no one left to blame.
Time after time I find myself fleeing.
Looking for that shortcut in life.
I do not think of who I am hurting.
I am just playing the game to survive.
This burn within me will not die.
I search for a soul like mine.
I reached but I get denied.
I am desperately trying to shine, all the while feeling lackluster inside.
written by: Kelly Edwards
Everything is spinning.
I am broken on the floor.
This is only the beginning.
The rest is nothing less than it was before.
I see you in my imagination.
I go to that place all the time.
To me this is a true test of patience.
Sometimes that can be the worst kind.
The world around me it breaks.
All that remains is my shame.
I cannot seem to shake this constant ache.
I have no one left to blame.
Time after time I find myself fleeing.
Looking for that shortcut in life.
I do not think of who I am hurting.
I am just playing the game to survive.
This burn within me will not die.
I search for a soul like mine.
I reached but I get denied.
I am desperately trying to shine, all the while feeling lackluster inside.
written by: Kelly Edwards
Is it December?
I cannot believe it is December already. In Oklahoma it has been beautiful and unlike any winter I have seen. I am the kind of person who likes the heat. I admit Oklahoma summers are extreme. I like to compare it to a hot blow dryer pointed right at your face. I can appreciate winter themes and the holiday spirit. The part that draws the line for me is the snow. I am horribly scared every winter that I am going to wreck my car. I tense up the entire time I am behind that wheel in fear that somebody will hit me or vice versa. I have no idea why it scares me so much. I have only been in two car accidents and both were minor.
In just a few weeks Christmas will already be here and then New Years and I know we all say this every year but man where did the time go? In the past year many things have changed around me. I had a really good year. I have a sense of security and am learning that it really is not too late to change the things I do not like. I have done it before in my past. I like to say I was tamed. I have this over bearing, crushing weight on me at all times. Truth be told I have always wanted to go to college and make something of myself. I did go to college, but I learned that I did not want to do that degree anymore. I wasted my time and my credit. There are so many dreams that I had. I had the drive to make things happen but one day it became about making money to survive. I had to make sure my daughter had everything and more. It became less about me and my dreams and all about hers. Some say this makes me a good mother. I think that is just what you do when you are a parent. I have never regretted making the decision to quit. I just wish I would have gotten this fire under my ass sooner.
I will do these things, I hope. I know that if I do not I could wake up one day and this time will no longer be here. I cannot squander it. If I do, then it will all be on me. I am the only one who holds me back. I have been writing some more poetry I will be posting immediately after this blog so stay tuned. I am sorry it is all so dark. I am honestly a happy person. I am like Adele okay? I just write sad stuff. Thanks for reading!
KillaKell
because I killed it.
In just a few weeks Christmas will already be here and then New Years and I know we all say this every year but man where did the time go? In the past year many things have changed around me. I had a really good year. I have a sense of security and am learning that it really is not too late to change the things I do not like. I have done it before in my past. I like to say I was tamed. I have this over bearing, crushing weight on me at all times. Truth be told I have always wanted to go to college and make something of myself. I did go to college, but I learned that I did not want to do that degree anymore. I wasted my time and my credit. There are so many dreams that I had. I had the drive to make things happen but one day it became about making money to survive. I had to make sure my daughter had everything and more. It became less about me and my dreams and all about hers. Some say this makes me a good mother. I think that is just what you do when you are a parent. I have never regretted making the decision to quit. I just wish I would have gotten this fire under my ass sooner.
I will do these things, I hope. I know that if I do not I could wake up one day and this time will no longer be here. I cannot squander it. If I do, then it will all be on me. I am the only one who holds me back. I have been writing some more poetry I will be posting immediately after this blog so stay tuned. I am sorry it is all so dark. I am honestly a happy person. I am like Adele okay? I just write sad stuff. Thanks for reading!
KillaKell
because I killed it.
Wednesday, November 21, 2012
2 Loritabs and a Fucking Dream.
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I recently had my wisdom teeth removed. I am feeling much better. I had been in pain for almost a year. I hope that all you readers out there are having a great week. Thanksgiving is a couple days away. Black Friday is right around the corner. I am sure all of you have some awesome plans for this holiday weekend. I am excited about one thing. That one thing is turkey. I love turkey. I am sad my mother is going out of town again this year. This will mark the second year she has fled town on this beloved family holiday. I forgive you this time mother. I love you.
So, me and mine are heading to the in-laws. My mother-in-law can cook some pretty awesome food so I am not mad at all. I can look forward to lots of great food. She also is never shy on deserts. There is always so much great food. I am looking forward to eating it and spending time with the ones who say they love me. For many Black Friday is something that is almost as important as Thanksgiving. I am not one of these people. I will not be joining that crowd. For those of you who will be out there shopping be safe and try not to trample somebody to death.
It is 7:04 in the morning here in Oklahoma. The sun is about to rise and I am sitting here in my bedroom listening to Kelly Clarkson "Catch my breath". This is one of favorite songs at the moment. I want to start putting what song I like at the moment in each blog. I am hoping to maybe introduce my readers to some music. I like most all genres. I hope you guys enjoy. I hope you guys have a great day. I want you to remember that you should be extra thankful for everything in your life. There are people out there with nothing. I am thankful to be who I am and everything I have. Also be safe driving out there. I will be back after the holidays.
KillaKell
Friday, November 16, 2012
Supermom.
Life has become so routine lately. I am happy to have my best friend rooming with me for the next couple of weeks. This is his dog Freddy. I do not work all that much so I have been spending a lot of time with him. It must be nice to be a dog. The world must be simple. Freddy has it pretty good. He gets to sleep all day. When Freddy is not sleeping he can be found wondering around trying to find clothes to sleep on. He is so curious. He is protective and he also has serious attachment issues. He follows me around everywhere. If I leave a room so does he. Life is not that simple for us humans. I wish it was, he has a pretty sweet set up.
I guess having a routine is not a bad thing. I have been thinking of ways to fill my time. I seem to have a lot of time laying around. I have cleaned everything and I am really tired of laundry. I really do not know where it all keeps coming from. I hate dishes now. I am like a zombie when I do dishes. I am lucky to have a pretty window right above my kitchen sink. I will stand there scrubbing dishes while staring outside watching life move on. I love/hate cooking dinner. I enjoy watching my family eat and praising a good meal as good as the next gal. Then I remember I am the one who is cleaning all the dishes (ain't life a bitch).
I am wanting something that will give me energy so today I am going to try to do some yoga. I have done yoga in the past and it really seemed to help give me some natural energy. I drink way too many red bulls. As a mother I have learned that there is simply not enough energy to go around. I wake up every morning at 6:30 am. I then get my daughter ready for school. I drop my daughter off at school. I am normally home shortly after to do my chores and watch netflix. I am exhausted by noon but I cannot nap because I sleep too hard. I then pick my daughter up at 2 pm where I wait in a mile long line of cars at the school. I am home by 3 pm. I COULD sleep then but not really. I then make my daughter her after school snack. We do homework and all that good stuff. I then have to start getting dinner ready by 6 pm. My husband gets home from work around 6 pm takes a shower and dinner is served by 6:30 pm. I COULD sleep then but I would wake up way too early. Instead I force myself to wake up until midnight where I then how should I say......I pass the fuck out! I am so exhausted. If any moms out there are reading this I could use some advice. I will try anything twice. I am tired of this routine. I want to change things up. I hope to hear from you guys. I am off to be supermom!
KillaKell
Monday, November 12, 2012
My Sacrifice.
Well hello there. I am having a pretty good day today. In Oklahoma it is sunny yet cold. A great day for a run in the park, or to drive with your windows down. I wanted to blog today about veterans day. I am an ex military wife and I know all about what the military sacrifices. I first want to say that I am extremely proud of my husband. He is one of those people who would have laid his life down in the name of freedom. I am lucky to have such a hero in my life. I know that without him I would be lost, so I am thankful everyday that he is home. He was in the United States Marine Corps. He has been all over the world. He spent his 4 years stationed out in sunny San Diego, California. During those 4 years he was deployed twice. These deployments led him on a worldwide adventure. He went to Japan, Australia, Thailand, Philippines, and Korea. I waited patiently in mid America for him to return. I am thankful that he did not go to the sandbox. He pushed and pushed to go, it just never happened. I am very thankful for that.
When I first met my husband. I had no idea what it meant to be a military wife. The only thing I knew was the man I had fallen so deep in love with was leaving. I built up in my head what it was going to be like. I had no fucking clue. I was so alone. He traveled the globe, while I wondered around aimlessly like a zombie for over a year. He sailed seas, I swam in public pools. He ate exotic foods, while I had panda express. I wish that we could have done all those things together. I respect every single person who has said goodbye to someone they love. It is hard to let go. I learned over time that everything he did over there, he did for me and our daughter. He learned how to be a leader. He can fucking clean too!
There are bad moments in deployment, but here are a few things I kind of miss.
- Skype dates
- Phone calls at 5 in the morning
- The uniforms
- Care packages
- The homecoming
I miss all of those things. I hope all of you out there who may be going through this hold on. The road is rocky and at times it will shake you down to almost nothing. I remember one time this ex-marine came into my job at the time. He told me that when he was in and stationed exactly where my husband was he had wild times with the local girls who apparently loved American boys. I dropped to my knees, tears quickly covered my face. I could tell that my coworkers were sadden by this. I mean who wouldn't be sad watching a girl crumble and break. I have had my bad days but overall I am one happy lady.
Husband,
If you ever do read my blog thank you. Thank you for all you have done and will do. You are a hero in my eyes. When I think of you I think of the bright light that is inside of you. I think of a courageous man who would do anything for his family. An honorable man who has nothing but good intentions. I see a strong marine who will always protect me from the evil in this world. I feel safe in your arms. I love you so much. I hope that one day you will understand how much I am consumed by all that you are. Thank you for allowing me to be a part of your adventure. I promise at times the adventure may get rough, but I am not going anywhere.
Kelly
Monday, November 5, 2012
Up He Goes.
I would like to say that the poetry written on this blog is written by me. I wrote the now two poems when my husband was deployed. I just wanted to share them. It has been almost two years since these words were written and they still sting. I hope you enjoy because I know I did.
Away you go.
Time and time again.
I will miss you more than you know.
You are my husband as well as my best friend.
I hate to see you go.
As I reach my hand to yours.
You try not to let your emotions show.
When it rains, it always pours.
A tear runs down my face.
I hide away with this shame.
I dream of that better place.
One day....
I smile and I wave.
I let the world see my brilliant facade.
I try not to crumble, shatter, or break.
I am a fraud.
Written by: Kelly Edwards 2009
Up He Goes.
Away you go.
Time and time again.
I will miss you more than you know.
You are my husband as well as my best friend.
I hate to see you go.
As I reach my hand to yours.
You try not to let your emotions show.
When it rains, it always pours.
A tear runs down my face.
I hide away with this shame.
I dream of that better place.
One day....
I smile and I wave.
I let the world see my brilliant facade.
I try not to crumble, shatter, or break.
I am a fraud.
Written by: Kelly Edwards 2009
Tuesday, October 30, 2012
Skin Deep.
They say that beauty is in the eye of the beholder. I always say that beauty is skin deep. I have not always found myself attractive. I wanted to do somewhat of a time line of myself for you. This picture was of course taken by me. There are people in this world who are beautiful on the outside and fugly on the inside. I am sure we have all met one or two or maybe three of these kinds of people. I have went through many stages or phases to get to where I am now. I am left with scars of my younger years. I use to think it was cool to pierce anything by myself.
That my friends is high school Kelly. That is actually what my friends now refer to this part of my life as. You cannot really tell but in this picture I have my lip, nose, and eyebrow piercings in. I also am wearing what I thought was a bad ass Rancid tee and that blazer was one of my favorite jackets. Still to this day I am mad that I lost it. I actually put all that red stitching in myself. I was super proud of that. I also at one time shaved my hair off. I had a blond Mohawk and a purple one. I was cool no doubt but also very foolish to think that the real world was ready for all that. I assure you it was not. I see kids dressed like that today I know it is not the same. It is now a statement. I wore black because I felt black inside. I grew up and now I have no urge to wear these clothes. I do however still love piercings and tattoos.
All you girls out there who think you are awkward or maybe you think you are not beautiful. I want to tell you that you are. That we are all beautiful souls. I am not saying you need makeup or a good camera. I think that we should all be comfortable in our skin. Girls tell me all the time that I am too skinny, or have small boobs, or no butt. I know that they tease me for being small because they are big. I am glad to be me. I love every inch of my body. I have been through many phases and no matter what I look like on the outside I am me on the inside and that is what matters most. So today my friends be you. Shine bright enough so everyone around you is blinded by your light. When you walk into a room own that shit. Be proud to be white, black, or brown. Be proud you are tall or short, skinny or fat. If this did not help then just google "celebrities without makeup". I promise that will make you feel better. Thank you for tuning in, I will see you next time. So do not be late!
KillaKell
Saturday, October 20, 2012
The Little Things.
The Little Things.
Most of you more than likely take for granted the little things in life. I know you are probably wondering how I can be so presumptuous to assume you do this. Sadly, I think we all can agree we all at some point do this. I am guilty. I wanted to make a list of memories. All of the pictures on this blog are taken by me for you. I feel like that needs to be said. No you may not steal them because they are awesome!
This my new friends is yet another picture of the beautiful state of Oklahoma. Have you noticed in all the pictures I have posted there is nothing in the beautiful state of Oklahoma. I kid there is plenty to do, if you can find it. When I took this picture I stepped out of my daily hustle bustle and captured a beautiful moment. I am a sucker for a good sky picture. I will pull over to capture something I find beauty in. It is the little things in life my friends.
When I feel sick it consumes me. I want to crawl into a ball and sleep until I eventually wake up and magically I am all better! So there I was sick and tired of being sick and tired. When I opened up a Halls cough drop and found these words of inspiration. I think I can say that because of Halls I felt better (at least a little about myself). It is all about the little things.
It is when you pay for one soda and the soda machine gives you two sodas!
It is when you get pulled over for speeding and the man only gives you a warning.
It is when you go to work and the boss man says that he over scheduled and somebody can go home, and that somebody is you!
It is when you pay for one soda and the soda machine gives you two sodas!
It is when you get pulled over for speeding and the man only gives you a warning.
It is when you go to work and the boss man says that he over scheduled and somebody can go home, and that somebody is you!
It is when you finally get a week off of work and you cannot afford leave state. Instead you get a 20 pack of bud light and sit by the lake. If you are lucky you can catch a few fishes and throw them back of course. I could go on and on about the little things in life that make us so happy in such a simple way. I will tell you one thing. When I became a mommy I had a lot of these moments. I do not think I saw them for what they were at the time though. There were too many to count. First time I saw her, First time she sat up, crawled, talked, walked, went to daycare, stayed overnight somewhere. I think all of those things are quite simple in the big picture of things. They are mile stones and yes there will be many but I think each one should be celebrated. This is the notorious "she". This is her after loosing her first tooth. She pulled it out like a champ all by herself. I could not be more proud of my daughter for everything she has done and is learning to do.
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Sunday, October 7, 2012
One in the same.
One in the same.
This year has been very busy for me and my family. We started new jobs, schools, and moved. It has been hard at times. I am so proud of us though. If I look back 5 years ago to were I was, I would have never pictured this. I tell people all the time I am living the dream. I have a nice house, great friends, a wonderful daughter, a job I love, and my amazing husband. It is not every day you hear people talking about the things that they do have. You always hear about what somebody does not have. I get so tired of complainers.
I believe I mentioned before I am a cocktail waitress at a local casino. I have worked there for a little over a year. I work with mostly women (about 50 of them). The job itself is awesome. I get to do what I want. I sing, dance, joke around with customers. Most importantly I have fun. I make pretty decent money and I get to pick and choose my hours. It is great! Then you have the moments where it is not great. I go into work with a smile and when I get there I am met with frowns. I guess when people are unhappy it really shines through everything they do.
My point was that these women are always complaining. Have you ever noticed if you are in a great mood, but the people around you are not. It is almost contagious. It then goes around and by the time you know it, you are joining in on a bitch-fest you wanted nothing to do with. I think that each and every person that reads this needs to do one thing for me. I want you to smile. I want you to literally stop and smell the roses. I want you to tell your best friend she looks beautiful (Josh that's you!). Those tasks my seem simple, but I think people might be surprised how much negativity they put off.
If each of you can do that I think it would make the world a better place in that moment. Kindness is not a weakness, it is a strength. I am not saying I am a happy go lucky person all the time. I am just really trying to be a better person. I want to show my daughter that I am smart, kind, and most importantly a human. We are all one in the same. It begins with me. I can break the mold. I can try at least she is going to be a teenager one day.
I really want to thank each and every person who has read or will read my blog. I am almost to 200 views in one week. I am very proud! I really love writing again and you guys gave me the motivation I so desperately needed and for that I say thank you!
Kelly Rose
Friday, October 5, 2012
Misery.
To tell you how I feel.
You never called.
I know you never will.
I hold on for that one day.
When I can touch that sweet face.
hold loves last embrace.
I would do it again.
Just for the chase.
The memories still linger.
Deep within my mind.
It feels like a cold steel dagger.
That creeps up slowly from behind.
Kelly Rose.
Written !0/5/2012
Tuesday, October 2, 2012
A love story.
"you know that feeling that you get when you are almost pulled to do or say something, that is fate."
In my head ,the next scene played out like a movie.
I said "can I get you something to drink?"
and then he said "sure, Dr.Pepper."
We ended up exchanging numbers and not calling each other for months. I had a low day and something (fate) forced me to call. I dialed his number and let it ring once before nervously hanging up. I then instead chose to text him and asked if this was him. He called me back immediately. I was so nervous. We talked for hours that night. I barely remember the conversation but I do remember the feeling. I had never had somebody listen to me that well. I finally agreed to go on a date with him the next time he was said to come home.
That picture right there was after one of our first dates. We spent everyday that month next to each other. He told me he was leaving for japan sometime that same year. I knew in my heart if I let him go it would be a mistake. We made a decision that shocked everyone!
We got married!
That very same night, he left.
He was gone for a year and 3 months. This part of my story hurts the most. I remember dropping him off at the airport many times but I remember this time very vividly. I smiled the whole way there. We were listening to 3 doors down. Little did I know I would be here without him. We hugged, we kissed and then he went inside. I drove away and the minute he was out of sight I cried. I mean cried! I could barely see the road. I got lost on the highway. I drove in tears all the way to my best friends house. I woke her up out of bed and cried with her. I remember the pain inside of me. Months went by and pictures were all I had left of him. There was one month he could not even call me all together for one month. It was the worst month of my life. I was bitter, lonely, sad, and all I wanted was him.
That month that he was gone I made sure I sent him one last package before he got on the boat. I sent him many of my own personal diary entries. I let him read my private thoughts. I put everything in that diary some of which I did not want him to see. It was the truth. My inner most private thoughts of what I had been going through. How lonely I was, how bitter I had become, the resentment. I wanted him to know I was doing nothing but waiting for him. I told you it was like a movie.I had to drive to California to see him for the first time. It was actually his birthday. I drove 22 hours straight after working a 10 hour shift. I did not stop for anything but coffee and gas.
Now that is love.
Here we are almost 4 years later. We are still married. He is not off in random countries anymore, but right here next to me. I am thankful for him almost every day whether he knows it or not. This was kind of a simple version of the story, but I really do not know you guys well enough to tell you everything. I have to leave some of the events and details up to your imagination. I know there are girls and guys out there that know the feeling I expressed. The life of a military wife or husband is hard. I love you hunny bear!!
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Well, I really hope you enjoyed my story. It was nice for me to write it down again. Hopefully I made one person feel touched or compelled to tell someone how they feel. I will be back tomorrow same time!
Kelly Rose
Monday, October 1, 2012
Life is beautiful.
Life is beauiful.
This is one of my back pieces. I am in love with it and I wanted to share it with you guys. This picture is right after it was finished so there is a bit of swelling and ink. The reason I posted this picture is because I think people forget how beautiful life really is.
I understand pain. I understand suffering. I have been through very bad times as well as very good times. With that being said I can agree that sometimes it is hard to believe life does get any better. I like to remember that every day I am here is a day I can enjoy the little things like the sound of my daughter laughing, playing or singing in the other room.
Here recently I have been thinking a lot about my life. I am 23 years old. What have I done so far? What will I do next? I think it is a difficult journey for every person to make no matter what the age. I know I am not alone on that note. I know I loved to write and I feel that passion is slowly coming back to me one day at a time. It feels nice to write again.
The other day was full of storms here in Oklahoma. My friends and I discovered this in my backyard after the rain let up. We are a bunch of dorks so all of us whipped out our camera phones and started taking pictures. This is one that I took. I am very proud of it. My point was that even though it was storming for days on end, this flower found a way to thrive.
What are some of the things you find beauty in?
KillaKell
Sunday, September 30, 2012
Friends.
Friends
This is me and one of my best friends. We have known each other since grade school. We actually rode the same school bus and lived very close to each other for a little while. She moved to Texas soon after and that was years ago. Here we are now 10 years later. We both have children. It seems like yesterday we ourselves were only children.
Time is so weird like that. I remember being a teen thinking the future was so far out of reach. Looking back it seems like it went by so fast. Friends are important in my opinion. These days it is like there are few to be made. When I make friends I make life long friends. I do not want someone to come into my life and quickly fade. That girl in the picture lives in a whole other state but we still find time to see each other. You make time for the ones you love. There are people in this world who will claim to be your friend. I have learned through the years that people can use you in ways you never even noticed.
We all have those kinds of friends. I would like to say that the friends I have here in state are just as great. This hot mess is one of my favorite people known to this day (friend wise) Oh and try to ignore that huge hickey on his neck he is a bit of a Slut. This was one of the many nights we spent at the gay bar. We were a tad bit drunk. I hardly think you can tell in this picture. Look at those smiles though. It is the moments like these that friends and only friends can have so much fun doing whatever it is you do. In this case drinking fruity drinks and attending a drag show. Why is he shirtless you ask? He is shirtless because he is gay and drunk. I hope that answered all of the important questions. =)
Last but not least this is my husband. We have quite a story but I will save that for another day. I will say this we have a love that is like no other. We have been through many things and it seems no matter how rough the situation seems we somehow prevail. I love this man with all my heart. I am lucky that I married such a great guy and a wonderful friend. This man will go through great lengths to ensure my happiness. I am not saying we are perfect because we bicker all the time. We both have a great sense of humor so it is not uncommon to hear us laughing.
What are some of the people important to you in your life? Do you have friends like mine? It is important for you to find people you want to spend your entire life with friends, husbands or even children. I feel like those are some of my important relationships minus parents and stuff like that but that is for another day as well.
KillaKell
Saturday, September 29, 2012
Waiting for summer.
Oklahoma. |
This is a picture of the beautiful state I live in. This picture reminds me of a wonderful summer day not to long ago. The sun makes everything better in my opinion. Today was foggy, wet and cold. Something tells me winter will not be kind this year.
I posted this picture right here to almost capture the very essence of summer. I love how pictures and music and even smells can take you back to a moment in your life. I see this beautiful oklahoma sky and I am instantly on the lake with my husband and daughter and family drinking a budlight not one worry in the world.
Sadly, I am not at the lake. In reality I am laying in bed typing on this screen, my husband playing x-box and my daughter sleeping soundly.
What are some of ya'lls favorite places?
I am happy to be blogging again! I hope to start collecting fans. I want to blog about all kinds of things. I love science, Interesting facts, Headlines, Hollywood just really anything I see fit seeing how this is my blog after all....
They call me... KillaKell
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